margeeuana dreams

i love you

i love you too

i got a job too.am going to be a pilot.

am happy.let me take you to meet my friends
.........
we are going to get married.

oh you both would make an adorable couple

but what makes an adorable couple?adorable guy or girl or both?either way am struggling to understand that comment of yours

ssshh.dont be rude

its ok am used to people hissing behind my back.always jealous.she can say what she wants.i have him.

oh this is not how it should be.lets play our game.should cheer everyone up

what game is this?and am approved by your friends or not?

dont be silly.she always says things like that.they love you too.and this game.you learn.cant be taught.here hold this

what do we do with these baking pins?poke cakes and see if they are baked well?cant we do wine tasting

dont be silly.lets play a game

ouch.why did you poke me with that thing.it bloody hurts.ouch

well thats the game.poke others.get away from other poking you.

is this what pokeman all about? i thought it was some card game

you are funny.now get along before others poke you

ouch

ouch

ha i got you

ouch

ouch

my eye!

ouch

no i cant open my eye.dont poke me

weeeeeeee

ouch

i think my eye is bleeding.where are you?

what a dork?dont fake it.move around man.be a sport

ouch

ouch

have some pride brother

ouch

ouch

he is not a sport at all.how will you live with him?

ouch

...............
am sorry

sorry? my left eye is gone

you dint know how to play.what can we do

i dint know to play?you were all poking each other with steel rods.what sort of game is that?

dont tell anything about the game or my friends

fuck them

i think you need to cool down.here have this bajji

btw your right boob is looking bigger

oh thank you

but you dont have any left boob.thats weird.where did your left boob go?

i think we need to talk
..................................
you broke up?but why? we said you both made an adorable couple

yes.but he is not a good sport.and he said mean things about you all.i couldn't take it.

oh we are sorry

btw is my left boob smaller than my right boob?

what nonsense.both your boobs are small

lets play the game

yeah lets go

more haiyas

there is still hope for me. appa said he might get me the camera if some agreement in office gets through.am hoping

suddenly old off campus applications are coming through. so i can go for direct interview for 6 jobs as of now.but i have no hope.lets see.

there is a tamizh saying which goes like if you drink milk under the palm tree no one will believe you. i was like doing my training online module for cts.amma asked if i was sitting with facebook. the important thing here is amma knows facebook. turns out one my you of yesay atthai had come over. she had shown amma what facebook is and asked her to join.amma promptly called her kadangari.but now she knows facebook exists.not good.

its nice-these jobless days. i get by 6,go beach with bro and play and laze around.someone gave amma what is known has green tea.she asked me if i will take it. i dint know what green tea is and asked her to make the green tea black.it tasted yuck.but now its perfected.till pack gets over i have to drink green tea only.anna ore the health conscious these days. after morning "work out" i eat proper lunch,sleep over for hour or two then go out some where with someone or the other. like yesterday i went max muller for the russian food festival. there was no russian in the food.rascals. served indian. came off. there is a small road side momo shop near vivekanandha college. chinky runs it. taste is quite good. a veg momo is 6 rupees. and there is a new place called citrus cafe nearby.decent. night i go some where for juice or ice cream or desert. daily new place. then go to the terrace and listen to podcasts. last week fully been listening to flaming skull podcast. its the one for underground indian metal. i love the terrace. good air. greenery around. i can see the marina,the st.thomas baslica,the kabalesshwarar temple,the mylapore tank,ramakrishna universal temple,the radha krishnan road. building is only four floored.but mylapore buildings are all small.at max 2 floors. but in mrc nagar all tall 10 floor buildings coming up.5 star hotels,corporate buildings of airtel icici and all.me ins not liking it.

parikrama concert today.European film festival from the 1st.the other day gs and me went to some old deserted british era building. was fun to trespass. the chandramukhi type old grand building now not used.we went fort st.geroge too. was awesome.when i called my friend for the film festival i was called arvakolaru. thats the problem. i have no one who shares my areas of interests.


been writing loads these days.but dont feel like putting it up here.mostly just updates here.which is totally pointless


i envy guys who do the photo shoot and all.of the girls.so much patience.i can never take photos of a girl.irritated five mins into it.almost sure.should try. 


been shooting something or the other daily.just to learn post processing am processing every god damn photo these days.another thing is torn between enjoying and trying to take photo.sometime too much enthu is idocarcy.or whatever.

the marina beach..


the mylapore temple yet again. i can always shoot this and try a different processing


fort st.george.one of the first british fortifications in india..


they have banned playing cricket in the service lanes in marina.rich bastards who want to walk.thevdiyas.half the charm of marina is lost.cha


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bah

so it turns out my batch need not join on 7th june.but most of friends need to. me will have to join mostly by mid july.

the pondi trip got fucked. due to floods raipur friends came late by more than a day. half were struck in pondi. ride was fun. first time on highway for me. when i learnt car i dint learn to drive in fifth gear. so finally learnt that. two attempts on my friends life. they survived. i dint have a single drop of alcohol. responsible driver and all that. but seriously just got a bit bored. so predictable alcohol. we had fun. dint go any where. so no pics. so yeah highway drive was nice.

today went the tnagar. repaired guitar. he said it will take 2 hours. it was too sultry. so i went to pothys,chennai silks and all such shops on that road. just for ac. i swear the nagai kadais have excellent ac. and the cloth shops-the ladies section has much better ac than gents section. like for real.

even though camera is dead dream for now me is looking forward to a nice trip. kerala and tamizh nadu.lets see. depends on how fast nikhil recovers.

yesterday dropped friends in central,went to pondy bazar via mount road. very little traffic. around 4pm. and to my horror found out that the kaiyendhi(road side eatries) near brilliant tutos,pondy bazar is gone. ate in geetha cafe and then kousar(for those in chennai,must try place.gethu place for milkshakes) as usual. then the drive form there to tnagar bus stand,through usman road..fack..bheja fry. and it turns out chennai corporation pulled down most of the kaiyendhis on grounds of hygine and standards. fuck them.

and the good news. got call for interview from samsung. 40 per month. chennai or blore posting. stil confused whether to go for the interview or not. basically lazy. have to go back raipur and get provisional degree,then shave, go interview and all. mokkai. and to saya and others who are encouraging me so much to join that company in pune.thank you.

meaning to write more. but too lazy. body never felt this weak. basically last two months hardly any sleep, too much thanni dum and all.

and the blore trip.i was thinking of meeting about 8 humans.three 10th class mates. smoked the weed and forgot. the others people i know over twitter or blogger. i have this poilicy of not meeting people i know online in real life. this time me thought wtf. just like that meet. planned everything. and then either forgot or got struck some where else. and the another dm-ed me and i dint see. so thats 9 totally. bah
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the four horsemen

haiya...
-spent about a week in blore. lamb of god concert.range. but only 90 mins. somehow lacked a small slice of magic. but was wonderful to get into the pit,headbang and see those guys who said something like we are lamb of god and we will be back.

-we were sloshed most of the time . one night we decided to drink,all pubs closed due to some elections. so we rolled the joints on the road,smoked it up and got bloody high. the highest i ever felt. and police came. we walked away and kuchi somehow dropped the remaining stuff into the gutter. was.

-on that note i officially declare sng's scarbrough fair to be the greatest psychedelic song.ever.

-am happy to be back. good weather.yesterday had a long walk and clicked some. yet to edit most photos.feels nice to stretch and shoot some. the senate hall is range. but dint have permission to shoot.soon enough.














aiyooooooooo
-we dint have enough cash in blore. we went to pubs and all. but a bit more cash would have been good. bcoz initially only one day we planned for blore.
-i wont get the camera for now.dad was going to get the arrears .but the dear bank put some condition which ate away most of the money into pf and pension. and bro had asked for keyboard for long. that more than 20k out. so i have to wait
-i have my next two months planned. and the dear company has sent us call letters. june 7th. fucking bastards. that too pune. mood totally out.fack fack fack
-today morning we were supposed to go on a road trip. due to the cyclones all trains out. so the guys who were coming from the norther part are yet to come. we are still waiting.

thats all for now. infact got more to write.later

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the fellowship

this house has ten beds. last week 18 slept here. tonight only 3 will sleep here. nikil has already left. sisir left too. fuck i dint say tata. infact almost no one said tata. i dont know when i will ever see sisir again. he was the only goltu guy in our house. from hyd. i remember vividly everything about him. the sunday morning four years back i met him. that walk which summed him up. active. and over action. i remember the way he kept the curd packet between his legs( hand was smeared with rice,left hand holding the scisorrs),cutting it and then applying extra pressure on that curd packet, squirting the curd all over the room. me juju sridhar starring at him and sisir with that bloody grin of his. trademark. that was first year.

i remember everything. vividly. this chubby childish fair delhi kid who touched my dad feet and all. appa asked me to stick with him. nice kid he said. appa left me two hours  into my hostel life. next morning i knock this guys door and with a grin he asks he why i was disturbing him while he was masturbating. monday morning 7am. crazy. thats prankur. bloody good footballer. i remember the day i started the hostel life the new epl season started. ashburton grove first match. thats how i met sridhar. football. i remember the day i met the only other tamizh guy in the hostel, this smiling thin tall creature-rajesh aka juju. i remember my first sunday morning there, i met sisir then. he is from a different hostel.

i remember my first day to college.since i joined late the first sectionals had started. the electrical teacher asked me to just take the test just like that. i sat next to this new kid. he cooly opened his book and started copying form the book. the teacher caught him and sent him out. no word from him. he walked away. teacher gave last warning and called him back to the test. he again opened his text book kept it on the table and continued copying. that was perla. i knew this was the guy i had to stick with in class. i remember my first trip to hostel d. where the rest tamizh kootam where. ragging problems meant no one was ready to come out wiht me to get the basic stuff. thats when this dark storngish guy volunteered to come out with me. no one else was ready. that was surya. given that we are both from rival dav branches, it is not surprising that we have never agreed on a single point in life. but we hardly fought. he went to become my 3rd and 4th year room mate.

i remember seeing this thin stick figure wondering how the fuck this had life in it. everyone was teasing him that day. he just kept quiet. that was vishnu aka kuchi. when i found out that he was the only guy in tamizh guy who listened to english stuff and was from chennai. i knew it then itself. i remember this really shy dark kid who was all toothy , with a really weird hair cut that looked well bad. he was bloody embarrassed, some l board had spoiled his head. he was polambifying to me also. that was raghu. i remember the first time i met every bloody fellow in my house. i remember hari who was drying the clothes then. i remember sundar and ela lying down on the bed and talking.

i remember the first year.room no 39. the same as my chennai house door number. i was diagnosed with thypoid one week into college. i remember the way sridhar looked after me. rajesh became my room mate(some bhopal civil fellow was my original room mate.). sridhar and sisir became pseudo room mates. we had less than 10% attendance in our first year. get up at noon. cook lunch in the room. full meals. every fucking day. me and juju cooked well enough. then we had a good footy brigade in my hostel. mostly we bullied into playing. i remember meeting his big fellow form nagpur who spoke a bit thamizh. when i mentioned greenday to someone else he asked me if i listen to metal. that was shrikanth. after footy take bath(twice every week) , then dinner outside. we ate outside every fucking day. then movie or game. sleep by 3 or 4 in the morning. at the year end me and rajesh had fucked up the academics. royally screwed.i still remember the vikas bday thing. i still stand by what i did. i know the other three guys dint like it, we fought, the only fight ever. sridhar cried. but since then we understood each other and it has finished this smooth.and how can i forgot those legendary inter hostel footy games. we lost 7 nil to hostel-d. most tamizh guys on the team.i was down with thypoid then. after i came back we had one more match. won it 4-3. brilliant it was. i remember how my seniors cheered me tamizh nadu in my first every football match here.. i cant remember against whom..and when i did some off the line clearence by fluke , bah i remember what all they cheered then.

second year all tamizh guys in same hostel. i got to know kavin and raghu well here. this was the year me and juju made up for our first year academics short coming. we wrote twice the subjets other had to. passed it all. i lost all spirit, stayed in the room all day long. went college. got bloody fat.room number 40.

third year some dint get hostel. two in a room. so sridhar juju got. sisir fit in. i wanted to know the tamizh guys better. so i fit in with hari and surya. all expeted hari to get room. somehow in the end i got. so hari fit in with us. kuchi room four fit in. i sitll dont know how. this year i got to know the mallus well. specially bipin and nikhil. nikhil is one guy who will help you with every fucking thing and not expect anything back. bipin was always up for fun. the way he irritated thala aka kavin..stuff of legends.room number 38. same hostel as the first year.we played footy almost every day

fourth year. no one got hostel. so we searched for house near by college. somehow managed a big one. sridhar decided to go away with siva. some where else. i was quite sad with that. whatever happened juju sirhdar sisir and me had stayed together for three years. anyways this year had been fun. that diwali. the first time we stayed away from home for diwali. same day my bday. best ever. we even put rangoli and lit lamps. that cook we trained to out taste.. her early morning calls.. babu.. bloody irritating. loads of trips. last minute unplanned ones. i cant write about them all. but each trip, the way we packed and left, the trips, every fucking thing is recorded in my mind vividly. i even remember by 8th std stuf quite vividly so i guess i wont forget all this.

i ahve always made it a point not to get close with any friends who can emotionally associate themselves with me. thats why i have stayed with juju for four years. we both never got emotionally attached. atleast never showed outside. after 10 months day and night with each other , we will go home.we wont make any call. no contact. thats why i never got close with surya kuchi and all that easily. but yeah somehow i am unable to bring myself to start packing. to leave. tomorrow by this i will be gone. i hope i pack by then. i have got used to raipur. this town life. slow. unambitious town. i hope my mind and body can adapt to chennai again.

i will miss every bloody thing here. no not my college. not my class mates. i dont hate them. but dont like them either. they were like an excuse to come here. but my house mates. they are the four years of my life. i never showed any external emotional to show love or anything with these guys. but i guess they know i love each one of these 12 guys. i will miss them like hell. 11pm ice creams. rare 5am rapri with kuchi. bloody having 10 guys wiht you always you never get bored. get to know a lot of things. loads of perspective. how many debates arguments. i dont know how i will sit in my house with just amma for company. i dont know what i will do when  want a mango shake at 10 in the night. who will come along. and i cant finish with out telling about the gupchup guy. 3 years. loyalty. almost every fucking day. when i told him am leaving for good, there was like genuine sadness in his face. i wont forget him. he is a good friend. i remember me and kuchi were explaining the placement process the night before our interview. when i got placed i went and told him that. dint eat anything that day. i started smoking and drinking properly only in my fourth year. somehow i will never feel comfortable drinking with my chennai friends like i do with these guys. those bday drunken stuff was brilliant. i clicked every single drunk night thingy. and the football fights and nights. no other guy would have bunked college and come with me to unknown places without any planning. if i had gone with my chennai friends we would just see the waterfall and exclaim. but with these guys its different. we climb up to the source of a really huge waterfall and trek down to the cascade along the waterfall. bloody those late night ride in search for ciggs. am proud that none of us slogged it down even during exams. yes all of us are like 40th ot 50 th in our classes. but we managed a job. many couldnt.fuck them.

so yeah so it ends. the fellowship. after four years.and this shall pass too..but yeah thank you for everything. to say in orkut terms thank you for being my friend.

free

ps- there is laods to write. why i dont know. but quite lazy.and i need to pack.fuck

seek and destroy

i hereby swear never ever ever to  drink on a sunday night. specially when i have a viva on monday. specially when i already got sloshed on saturday. saturday tamizh guys farewell. so drink. sunday i was a chamutha sitting and watching epl and suddenly these guys call for shrikanth bday treat. his bday is today. never got drunk on consecutive nights. and this was like huge. about 30 guys drinking away. usually its like 10 or 15. and many unknown guys. many guys who i know but had never drunk with. so cheers and bottoms up with min 10 guys i remember. after that i had no count. bloody first time mattai and lunatic. its still confusing. i was fully aware of what am doing saying and all that. yet i was insulting many guys there. it was fun. and the ride back home. waatha.. ela got some bike which dint have,well a clutch. so the first gear it basically wheels straight away. no control. enticer. we rode at about 90 and somehow reached home safely. that was around 2.30am. 6.30 i had to get up again for booking my chennai ticket. tatkal opens at 8. online crashes. so had to go to the counter and stand in line at 7. empty stomach. weak body.worst it was.

and then i slept away during the exam. ac lab. body feels bloody weak. and then i slept off. evening i find out that two of my room mates are diagnosed with jaundice. have a feeling its the same case for me. this throws all plans out of gear. to start with log concert. sunday was to come along. now he is down in the hospital with jaundice. i dont know if my body will hold. and amar college opens on 6th june. stupid symbiosis. hari gets 1st june as joining date. stupid tata. and these two also out. thats half the party pulling away from goa trip. so thats mostly cancelled for now. fuck. and since nikhil is out my kerala trip might need re-scheduling. am not linking this.

and day after tomorrow project presentation. ours got fucked. we are stealing from my room mate. i hope my teacher doesnt kill us for changing the project a day before. i Hope i can go and give the presentation. i have to pack. but too tired. bah. hopefully i dont get jaundice. that would kill me.

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second hand lions

its dry. the tonguses are dry. tis even twisted itself. we is wanting water. no not that waters live. the real light water. lotses and lotses of it. we wants to just wade in the water for hours together. likes when we were little.this kills us. we wants water.

we wonders what they mean by eco farming,eco tourism and all. biotech . these people read about space universe plants animals .and they is changing it. in the name of science,development and civilization. we is not liking it. how arrogant of them humans? first them thinkses they rule the earth. understand nature. modify it. we thinks the knowledge is pointless? whats you do when you know how something workses? why modifies it for you? you zeint make it. thats copyright infringement. why does this need to know about rainfall and sun? ze is going to stap it? hehehe how foolish. then why learn it. leaves it alone. nature workses well for us as long as dont meddle with it

all this passing knowledge has kills the human spirit. everything they teaches, what did you discover by yourself ?  they is limiting you by teaching you. they is killing you. if they no teach you we thinks anyways we want. everyone is actually different and individual. no ze is all one huge mass with few tampons. why is survival skill so important? you is anyway die. so you discover penicillin? what happened?nothing.see

there is use reading writing or learning. what am doing now is pointless. pointless thing attracts us like mosquito to shite. think. you are born. there is no language. no learning. try to survive. or die. all this taking humankind forward is mirage. there this huge ball of energy fire and all. you name it sun. estimate it will die by this time. ok great. so what can you do your deluded bastards? shift to another planet? make sun live longer? thats your plan? ah shit. you speck boshterd. you is nothing. that is all.

the photo session was comedy. my totally shiny bald head was upsetting the photographer. he moved me four places and yet he was not satisfied. i think i should have applied sheenlac on my head.just to annoy him. kuchi saw his class girls in the tapri. they were hugging and crying. and the tapri guy goes kya maal hai. there was the IT branch party which i dint even have any idea about. instead my tamizh juniors gave farewell. story of four years. as usual whiskey. its not riskey. its cheap. twas fun. log concert tickets came. goes into collection.
my ipod earplugs out. have to replace. after three days of kodai temp its hot again. am sorting clothes now. packing.

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omerta

it is over. under graduation. the exams are over. hopefully all clear. have project presentation on 12th. havent started the project yet. tomorrow photo session. oh how i loathe it. i am like full time beard and they are asking me to shave and all that. amma made me promise i will shave for the photo tomorrow. even appa called. so it has to be done. otherwise when the photo comes hell will break loose. after exam we went to stuff our selves. as we came back wind. bloody strong. and then rain. first it was like sprays of water. due to the wind the rain was hitting us almost horizontally. enjoyed the rain,

so starting to sort delete and all. have to pack. too much to pack.the clothes. my god, amma is going to kill me. she always does when i come home for sem break. havent washed them since,well last sem break. thats 5 months. i dont know how amma comes out alive after washing my jean. she will make it a point to call me and show me when she rinses it. black water. ha i see that come of my body whenever i take bath. bloody summer. have to take bath atleast thrice a week.

so i leave on the 12th.midnight. i remember everything vividly from the counselling trip onwards. amma dint let me go so easily she wanted me study in some college in chennai. finally she gave up. she knew i wont listen to advices and all. so in a piece of paper she wrote stuff she wanted me know. stuff like take bath atleast thrice a  week, wash clothes once a month, trim once in 3 months and like that. she prodded appa to write something, he was always lazy and of few words. so just for her he added two more lines to the paper amma had written. as i loaded my suitcases into the car she handed me the paper and asked me to read it once i go raipur. that was the only piece of home i carried with me. a single piece of white paper. her handwriting all over it. she spaces a lot. it will always look neat. the first instruction was-respect girls. i dint have a good track record with the chennai girls ,my defense they annoy. a lot. anyways appa handwriting,typical appa. each letter sleeping on each other,cant make out one letter form another.lazy. single line-deserve before you desire.

when my parents were newly married amma was staying with dad family, he went ahead to find a house and all. he sent her the first letter. amma couldnt read it. his handwriting was that bad. embarrassed she took it to pati(dad mom). she could read either. so amma preserved the letter till appa came back and asked him to read it out. the first line was -dont show this letter to my mother.

and then i lost that wallet. second year. in chennai. it had this letter and a really small stamp size photo of the four of us, parents bro me when i was 3. bro was just born. that stamp size photo is in every relatives house showcase. today as i finished my exam i remembered each and every line that was in paper. can only smile.

so yeah i go back. changed and all that. will be totally weird to go back. and not come back. and weird to have my own money. i hate the diff. calling appa money and mine separate. i mean i earn so less and he earns much more than i do. so lets divide it by 2. fair deal i say. so the summer is almost planned.

12 may-leave from raipur
14 may-go to b'lore
15 may-lamb of god concert.exited.first proper death metal gig.pit.wall.mosh.bring it on.
16th-thermal and quarter concert in blore again.want to explore blore.suggest good places to eat. first priority for this foodie.
17-23 may- catch up, raipur friends come down,so road trip to pondi.get sloshed fully
23-30 may-munnar trip with parents and bro.all three complaining they never get time with me even when i come down chennai.so yeah it should be nice.
1-7june-the essential end of college tour. goaaaaaa. yet again.beaches. sloshed.
8-30june- kerala trip. mainly little known places,the villages and all.already semi planned.46 places to stop.
july-tamizh nadu trip.mostly alone.48 places to stop in all. cant wait

also convocation fixed on 14th sep. if the naxals dont trouble a lot will go bastar again.and then job whenever am asked to join. i understand i can defer till oct , i shall do so.let me see how much of this plan comes to be . and i tried doing the retrospection shit. i guess i was comparatively thinner when i came to college. and then i was more like a group guy. every where i invited the whole gang to come on. now am quite loaner. wander alone. i hardly call anyone these days. and my tolerance levels have gone up exponentially. like really exponentially. other than am the same. maybe i lost that small fibula of a funny bone i had. now i cant mokkais anymore. not bad for a retrospection. so deep and meaningful. i think i know my soul better now.whatever.

and dont worry i wont leave the few limited readers (to be precise-5) so easily. daily posts. about the four years college. let me try shooing the 5 away. and yeah like this blog better than the prev one. the other one many used to read and all. but that was killing time. now even though only few read its like loyal and fun .and soon i shall start the process to go totally anonymous in the online world. and my cousin told me over phone today-i am now officially in the bachelors category. yikies. i know i have become a man. i knew it when i was able to think for myself. like 4. yeah the complete man ..ok not complete but manly man since then.

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whatever you say i will be that is what i will be

yesterday night we had 18 guys in our house. 10 beds. so juju hari and me took the bike and set off. no destination is mind. just like that. drove outside raipur. like 20 kms on a deserted highway we settled in a really small hamlet. there were few houses. totally dark. as soon as we stepped into some unseen boundary of the village about four dogs from four corners started barking. brilliant sync. there was a pond and a small temple on it bank. we were there till 3am. putting mokkai.

the place..



then we came back and went to the tapri for tea by 5. i have no idea when i came home. i had walked back home alone and slept off. since i woke up really strange mood. chelsea won. ha. as such i prefer manu to chelsea. infact before i came college i used to hate chelsea. but two of best friends are chelsea fans and i have given up my hate for them.

close you eyes. darkness. how good is it? for light you need a source. for darkness no source. just close your eyes its there. its so comforting. light shows you a lot of things. painful at times. darkness shows you nothing. imagine. expand. thrill. the last 15 days i have felt real strange. loads of negative energy that i am never used to feel about me. fuck it. when i was talking with daba over some topic the word rape came out. i asked why do girls fuss too much about rape. bloody some dick or the other is going to get inside. why so much fuss about whose it is. i mean i dont give a shit which vag my dick goes into. pros whore or a gf. biological stuff should not be associated with emotions that are deep. just pleasure. maybe later i would feel bad for telling daba this but she never really judges me. i can forgive myself bloody easily. i should learn to atleast exhibit stuff like real regret and all. sometimes it infuriates me that i forgive myself so easily.

we went to orbit for burgers. there was this 30ish looking lady in jeans who had three kids with her. all girls. totally adorable. the lady was teaching the elder one how to eat the noodles. the second one was taking one noodle strand and tried to feed her self. first she dropped it into her nose. then she learnt how to eat. and she patiently ate the noodle one by one. the youngest one was walking by the ice cream storage. so short she was unable to peep in. and the elder girl who is not more than 3  and who can just about take a peep if she stood on her toes, came and lifted the youngest one to help her see the ice creams. and just then another family walked in. the dad had sama thoppai. two kids. the kids were eating chuski or those colored cola crushed ice.  and the younger kid, spilt some syrup on his shirt. that father hit the kid on the back on the head. fuck. i wanted to hit him. never. ever. hit a guy in the back of his head. cowards. the mother was looking at this other mom of three kids who was in jeans. for once i was able to infer what this women might have been thinking. and the bad dad was looking at us in weird way.

ulcers. usually they go away in a week or two. strangely they have been troubling me for more than 10 days. so today went and had chat and all that and tortured it. bloody painful. but that tamarind juice can only cure the ulcers. and that sweet juice that the ulcers secrete later. and a new alcohol shop. when life is too exiting , too unpredictable go and get drunk. coz there is nothing predictable as alcohol. get sloshed , sleep some where and wake up and drive home. nothing more. such predictability. alcohol and ciggs are never cool or anything. i consume them because they are pointless. in the quantity i consume they dont harm me. neither do me any good. see pointless. if there was some point in drinking or smoking it would loose all its charm.

i asked my room mate to stand steady so i could slap him. like i said feels weird today. want to hit some one bloody hard. some kind of monster. i would like to make my own music one day. i cant play the guitar that well. but i want to make some music. heavy fast. and melodic. fuck lyrics. no lyrics. i have a general dislike for languages and written stuff. not strong. but its there. more than 8 years i have lived in the hindhi speaking part of india yet i cant speak it that well. i dont like hindi. yes  i cant understand it , read and write it. the way loads of indians go hindhi hamara rashtabashtra hai. its our national language. why dont you know hindhi. what they dont speak hindhi in madrasi. oi madrasi. bastards. and my english is so bad. i cant sting together few words yes. i dont know the spelling of even th basic words. true story. grammer is whatever seems to make sense. and handwriting. i cant decipher it myself. fuck infact i dont know an language properly. like all the dimensions.

i wrote two stories today. one was like outline of what i would like to write. a different version of ramayana. where hanuman rescues sita from lanka, falls for her beauty rapes her kills her and puts blame on ravana. rama wages war and wins it. but he looses his peoples respect as he waged a war for his personal reason. a rebellion and he is over thrown. i mean what fucking justice is this? rama the one lady man is god. krishna the polygamist playboy is good too. both are correct. fucked. the other one was about a first date and all that jazz.spikes

it takes a real cynic to write these inspirational move your life books no? romanticists can only read. they cant read. bastards. romanticists are not romantic enough to create something. and those are cynics are not cynical enough to destroy. bloody i need some heavy music now. even lamb of god is not heavy enough now. dimmu borgir. ah fuck music. its try to channel my anger my energy. is there anything that doesnt try to do something? or maybe it just metal let me listen to harris jeyaraj. or justin biber. or limpbiz kit.

you know there are these bloggers who are superficial. i mean to me. they are true to themselves. maybe not. but the point is they write in such english that i have nothing to say to them. many blogs like sherry's, that sugar magnolias , jeenas i read, enjoy and shut it. like i said nothing to say. one wonders if they appreciate simplicity. in real simple terms. oh i read some articles on this metal fight that has broken over the net between indian metal critics and the metal bands. they are not against each other. section of both sections against over each other. over music. over whorifying. such shit. i shall write about it later. i have nothing better to do.

bloody since the month i decided to start reading again i have always been bankrupt.jinx.and now i shall sleep.nighty night.

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ps-yes pretty much pointless

am your boogie man boogie man

this song is struck in my head. dont know why. so two more exams to go. fucked up the last one. neural networks. basically we try to learn how to design artificial neural networks like the biological one and then conclude that we cant actually do it. it was all to similar and confused me. hopefully pass. else fucked. on more year of college. till now no arrears in my department so hopefully i escape.

so yeah finally going to leave raipur. about ten days left. its like 45 degrees in the noon  and rains nicely in the night. sort of nice. today i went to the raipur high court. i dint collect my first and second sem mark sheets. yeah now am in 8th. cant find it. so had to get a notary and get affidavit or what ever. went early by mistake. i like the place. and this lawyer who did it for me, once we told him we are students he slashed the the charge by 50% and told us that he will collect more from setji. i felt exponentially happy. my hate for set ji or rather the SKs is well known. and the typist, he came fully loaded as in drunk. but cleaned his place nicely, organised his stuff very formally and typed away . in hindhi. there was this old typist who should be minimum 75. he has a typewriter from 1970. bloody old. and i watched set his stall  up. such organisation. remember we once used to have pencil boxes and all..during school time. he had one like that pencil scale and all. diligence. and suddenly many typists appeared out of thin air. the sound. and the heat. 48 degrees. endless rows of notaries and typists and no fan or any other cooling device. and i like lawyers. cool people. bloody talented. the banglore nls girls, sama figures. even the raipur ones are good but we hardly know them. seen them a bit thats all.

and good news. parents sanctioned money for a new dslr. going to get nikon d5000. yay. hopefully i get it before i start my summer trip. parents have been complaining. not been in my house for more than 50 hours for nearly a year now. so the plan is go blore on 15th for lamb of god concert. then go to munnar with parents and my bro. i guess since he started college amma is feeling lonelier than before. but she is happy we both got into nit. but none of us actually care. and then goa with room mates. and i think shrikanth might come down. this small problem with tickets already booked it will be difficult to show him around. but somehow i will find time. it will be nice to get drunk together in pondi chunnambar island together.

and the trip. totally 47 places i have decided to visit. all in tamil nadu. most of them little known places. but i want to know my state before i start job. btw bloody company. i still dont know joining date or place.incompetent idiots.(saya take note) so yeah roam tn alone. if anyone joins equally good. then go kerala. have to go mumbai before trip starts to get camera.

yesterday was nice. mood out after exam. so ekta and then smoke. last three days been smoking alone. usually i dont. again night went for some juice. siva got serious and tension coz well we were irritating him  and pulling his leg. girl matters. then we sat on the bands of this huge tank bund that is also our street end. smoking away reflecting stuff, still water that reflected all the newly erected street lights around. the snake swimming away nicely on a fine summer night. talking.and started clicking again.here

and am exited about the blore trip. purple haze for sure. then lamb of god. wall of death. mosh pit. if you are not familiar with these terms see these videos. and dont tell me it looks stupid or anything like that. when you are in the mood and the right music and atmosphere you can feel murderous. and its not something you can explain. unless you have felt it too.

btw my wall paper is this image from hary blog.


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ps-and we took this house for 10 guys. tonight there are 18 sleeping in this house
pss-i slept from noon to about 9. dinner. now i sleep again. i can always sleep