does it matter if its soft or harsh. or both. a bit of hair. i never knew. you see these i am not it and i will be full of black. there are others too. it would be criminal not to consider exceptions. for they form a group among them. and there are more exceptions. so the original group to whom the exceptions were formed are exceptions again. i don't want exceptions. there was once a time when i wanted the exceptions. i wonder if it was some intellectual shit which drove me then. i shall assure you i am rid of such shit. all i want is my polar. but then i thought i had learnt. learnt enough. not to. i have to confess i find the younger ones irritating. i have been reading of late. a bit. usually i wake up . job. and get high in the nights. i think i forgot how it feels how it is to be just it. no weed or rum or even ciggs. just like that. i was like that for 21 years. i shall be brave here. its not the job. it might be the money. but then its just another excuse. as i was broke yesterday, i emptied my ashtray , picked up the not fully smoked ciggs and lighted them again. rebirth. i believe in it. and am capable of it too apparently. anyways i have been reading. myth and history fascinate me. so i read about shiva, angels and more. and then i remembered the dear reader's recommendations. so when i had just 300 for the last week of this December, i went and got lolita for 150. i guess the rest 150 would have gone up in ashes. bring it back. and as i read lolita the tracks were being layed. one of awe at the sheer lyrical quality and the thought process. and another of pure disgust. no its not about morality. just that how can he falls for that young a girl. they are irritating. so as i read a parallel version with me and an older women in it was written. no not the next door aunty type older women. just a year or two above me (juju if you read this, i promise that none of the women in our office even enter my mind. disgust.) anyways the shrill-ness in the females voice irritates me. as they grow it wanes. maybe not. lets not smoke the exceptions again. the thing is, at 21 to 22 the shrillness goes down. hence i prefer the 24 year female. i the old about to die oldie of 22 . i am confused. i never knew whether the hottie or the intellect. first i have had neither. second it seems like too much unwanted effort , just to gauge this. its been four months in the job. and now i fully appreciate the female brain. i mean just the perspective. am not talking of gossips and kind. just the angle of thinking when we approach a job related problem you know. the influence is clear. i declare that now i will prefer a girlish girl rather than the black wearing tom boy types, which i preferred yesterday. but then i prefer the pink today. ok maybe not pink. but the bright colors. but then tomorrow is a different year. a lot happens in a year. next i shall get catcher in the rye.
is it even worth a fucking dime? its my turn to ask the questions. no shut up. you cant answer. dare not. i know you are never going to be correct. now you can not ask me if there is an answer at all. like i said dont open your mouth. you could always go on. at least i could. of course i dont want to. because you dear dead people of the living, wont be reading till here. i presume so. for this is not insane. its the insane which is good to read. of course i am saen. now at this point i want like to say something groovy. like say i will join some really weird facebook groups. you know just to make sure that you dear dead dont think am of the mushy kind who joins the groups like i love my mommy on facebook. at this point am irritated. friends. or alteast some part of them. they are tagging millions of people on photos which say happy new year. the same people who would think simon and garfunkel are my lawyers or something. ok that is lifted. i wish i could draw lovely cartoons. which might say am a rock and island. and the rock feels no pain. i love that song. is there only that much i could hope or do? bad. no really