8/7/12

life of a hobbit

hobbits are short creatures. they are lazy. they rarely do anything expected. even if they did, no one would let them know. they indulge in farming, where the risks are low and the return minimal, but largely assured. after some time they will have to give up farming. because the farming lands will no longer be the farmers's. they will be controlled by a few wealthy hobbits. so would the hobbits rise up in revolt? no they will simply find another profession where the return is assured and the risk is low. fake education. they were once a formidable race. now forgotten. the big folk are reminded once in a while that hobbits do exist, when once in a century a hobbit does something unexpected in the land of the big folk. no one cares of what the hobbit did in the shire. for the fellow hobbits do not care. the hobbits raise up their head and see that the anamolous hobbit had done something different, their recognition that big folk had recognized you. not that you did something different. then they go back to work. some hobbits who have left the shire often fail outside, for they are unprepared. they have very few people to learn from, and hence the limited knowledge of the world of the big folk.they might turn to new lands and bonded labor to survive for some time, but not for too long... and soon they will perish. the question is will they pretend to be asleep as their lands are burnt by the filthy rich hobbits, or will they raise up for once and face whatever be the end. with the kind of no-knowledge no-fear recklessness they once might have had. it would be sad if they died pretending to be asleep, for the world could have done with the little people's revolution.

often you are mocked for not confining. where you simply do not fit into the hobbit's world. sure, people might celebrate with you if you achieved something, for the achiever is recognized as a hobbit. but nothing more. the government might give them a small piece of land, so that they could go back to their lives. but there is no going back. if they did try to fit in back, they lie and become a lie onto them selves. they lie so that the other hobbits accept them back and tell them they are cool. its kind of scary when even the definition of being cool, is defined by the other hobbits. so where does this leave them? how defying all logic, the hobbits as a group continue on a mind numbingly boring life and try to convince their kids to do so as well. keep your noses clean and no trouble will find you. and i do not like the fact they i noticed all this about my fellow indians, only when i was pushed to the limits of having to do something which is the polar opposite of what i wanted to do? i am one of them.. the confining indian..hey atleast i have an identity..

stop complaining and get on with your life i am told. people hate other people who crib. people hate im-mature people. cribbing can once in a while can incept a revolution, they will throw you away to keep that revolution purely personal and an isolated case. thats how system works to keep itself within itself. to throw they away. to deny them respect and anything else a conformant has access to. very few reach the promise land, yet a billion indians live in the hope of finding the promise land. i guess once you start travelling, you hear stories of the promise land. where there is money and everything else money can buy. what use is money if there is nothing to buy with it? so they keep walking, braving spits of rain, stories of your parents ash in a far away distant land which was once home and they keep walking. that kind of determination to just walk along is amazing. where did we ever find it? how did a billion people convince them selves? and why is believing in something that is believed in by a billion people so hard? thats what my parents asked me. the answer that am an individual doesnt cut ice with them. they say billion individuals believe in it why not you? do you think you are better than all of them? or worse than all of them. no, you are just part of a bell curve, dont look outside it and fall of the cliff and hurt your self. avoid risks. it is kind of maddening, as they never have interfered until now. they never knew that their normal looking children are unaccepted weirdos outside their home. its like when your parents come to visit you in hostel, the other room mates make them believe that their child is normal. the other room mates, like my parents might have believed that i would at some point of time grow tired and simply confine. i did. it was way too easier. and now i see my brother, who said his life ambition was to grow to grow huge forests, but waste land and keep planing and farming. it was heartening to see that an iim was not his answer. all it took him to convert to a conformist, was a facebook interview.

once shouldn't underestimate the conventional system. it has harbored many a brilliant mind. it has awesome comforts like the ability to control your room weather, insulate your self from what is happening out there and a soft warm bed to curl up in. simply, the system offers the best in class luxury with minimal risks. how could you say no to that? i think its very childish to simply pin point the love of money. its much deeper than that. the money is a symbol, like batman. one can keep wondering for their entire life. but what we do with the time given to us? knowing very well that what we do is going to be consequential for most of humanity. most would have never heard of it and wouldnt care what you did. where then do you draw fuel to keep you going? never ever think that you could do anything without expecting reward or recognition. photographers need to share photos on facebook, poets need to blog the poems out.. its only in ayn rand's books that you can see people who do things of genius and do not want recognition. hell even rand formed a society and all that, its that recognition which is the fuel. i have taken in monetary loss for recognition. it feels good and gives the fuel you and your ego need.

and do you need to be really good at something, when the something you do is out side the system. have you ever seen a human who is worse at painting than a five your old kid and still paint for the sheer joy of it. do nothing else. nah that aint possible. so to go out of the conventions it seems necessary to be really good at something. most of the time you keep doubting and loose valuable time that could have been spent discovering things which you are good at. new things.  philosophy and such questions generally bore people. parties and booze interests them. because most of them have gone through such questions and have generally come to the conclusion that its all worthless. gyan bores them. so its the question of the value you place in human life. if its way too valuable to be spent doing nothing or is it so useless than you can do anything and enjoy the time given to us. you are generally given examples who have made it big in fame or money, while being non-conformists. yet again the creame of the creame. how many thousands of aspiring photographers have ended up with studios where they click marriages and shoot smiling people for their passport photo, which they will paste on a passport and fly to usa?

and like the hope of the honeyland, the hope that there is something you will find and is worth doing, keeps me going. its might not exist, but neither does the honey land for 99% of my fellow beings. when you start writing or taking photos, knowing very well that you might suck at it, gives you the license to be boring and crap to others. and it is very important to grab that chance, as it has no risks. i should be able to forgive myself at some point no? else whats the point? trying to confine makes you lie. and you are a fucked up person. you lie to say cool things happen to you. but if you are consistently do that your entire life, its plain simple truth that you dont fit it. why do you want to achieve all that your parents want? to feel a part of a billion strong family. and that is indeed enticing. its kind of surprising when suddenly your parents ask you of one thing, first time ever. you wonder that i had freedom all these years and was allowed to do what i want without question, then you realize that they presumed you already knew that you had to succeed. it did not need telling was their perspective.  and you realize the gap between actual expectation and your idea of expectations is bigger than the original expectation itself. in such time it is charming to be a hobbit.

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i moved in with new room mates this may. a nice apartment on the eight floor. booze, booze and poker always available. the apartments around are posh. a lakh a month rent apartment behind ours. roof top swimming pool, flood lit tennis court and hot chicks in both. room mates who have studied in iit and earn triple of what i do. they keep telling me.. run and reduce weight.. shave regularly.. study for cat.. money is the most important thing.. and i cant believe that they actually are convinced by this frame work. they bring girl friends home. i sit and ignore them. its beautiful. and when they talk about marriage and stuff i get up and walk. these are scary things. i still think that am a kid, maturity being the definition of confining with the system. how come you go from living in a bubble, insulating yourself from everything, drawing oxygen from within the bubble.. to a life where you step outside the bubble? how do people just live with another person, for long infinitive years.. waiting to be consumed by death? waatha dei..idhu velaiku aagadhu... need to murder something or someone soon..

free i will be soon






2 comments:

Sriram said...

Beautiful Soin! Free!

Vishnu Prasad said...

ultimatest sir.. Btw.. just curious.. did u write this after probably u talked to me sometime.. reminds me of a similar discussion..